This entry was motivated partially by a talk I was
asked to give in church. Which is what
I’ll start out with, but throughout the rest of this blog I will hope to in
some way describe what it has been like being home from my mission and my
feelings about this gospel. Let’s begin.
Last October I recall sitting in relief society
lesson in Provo Utah listening to a young girl bear her testimony at the end of
her lesson. I rather enjoyed hearing this young girl speak. As Jessica talked to the class she talked
about certain trials she had faced the past year of her life. Some of
them were the recent separation of her parents others were the trials of a
normal college life with school, work and dating. Jessica had her own individual story
including her hopes and desires. She
also had a beautiful testimony, but there was something unique about it and the
way she expressed it. She was one of the
19 year old girls that had been recently affected by the new general conference
announcement made two weeks prior. Jessica had had a life-long desire to serve a
mission. It was so heart-felt and
warming to hear her as she expressed that this was all she had ever wanted to do.
With tears in her eyes she told us about when she was young she would ask
Heavenly Father when she prayed, “Why won’t you let me go? Why can’t I serve? Why do I have to wait so
long? Why?” Jessica was a great example to everyone. She
fulfilled her callings, she was beautiful, smart and talented, but what she really
knew was the importance of the gospel and all she really wanted to do was serve
a mission. But all her life it was years down the road and almost impossible to
get there… Until 2 weeks prior to this relief society lesson, the announcement
was made and it was possible for her to now put in her papers to serve. Jessica was so sincere and I will forever
thank her for testimony because it helped change mine. Her feelings weren’t “yeah a mission would be cool, I think I’ll
learn a lot, or I’m excited to see something new” … but rather it was “I’m
ready! I’ll do it! I’ll serve thee Lord!”
The spark for that story of Jessica was inspired by
a talk given by Elder Bednar “The
Character of Christ” If you haven’t read this yet I highly recommend that you
check it out....like right now! Seriously, do it! I first heard it in the
MTC but it has changed my life! http://www2.byui.edu/Presentations/transcripts/religionsymposium/2003_01_25_bednar.htm
This talk is amazing in the fact that it helps us
realize that in order to come closer to Christ we must understand somewhat of
his character and the life that he lived in order to get there. In a similar talk he gave in conference last
October ‘Converted unto the Lord’ he said, “Testimony
alone is not and will not be enough to protect us in the latter-day storm of
darkness and evil in which we are living. Testimony is important and necessary
but not sufficient to provide the spiritual strength and protection we need.
Some members of the Church with testimonies have wavered and fallen away. Their
spiritual knowledge and commitment did not measure up to the challenges they
faced.”
Wow! To me that is like a slap in the face. Not a
bad one though, it was most definitely needed. Now is the time where we have to
stand a little taller and to reach beyond the means that we are living in. To become converted unto the lord! And the best part is that conversion is
possible. He said it was possible for
any honest seeker of truth!
So what does this mean for me or why am I writing
about this. I guess part of it is about
my own natural man that I am fighting.
Being home has been such an interesting challenge. I have now been home for about three months. It has been a very long past couple of months
with doctor visits, biopsies, surgeries, and follow-up appointments. I ended up having half of my thyroid removed
and I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease.
I also have mono which only adds to the fatigue.
Though I have had to experience these things, the
real challenge hasn’t fully been with the sickness. It has more been with trying to understand
what God wants for me and what the purpose of this challenge is for. A lot of the time I have been moody, a cynic
and a hypocrite. I have been distant
from my family at times and most definitely not spending the amount of time
with them as I should have (especially Camas) and I have been selfish of my own
desires and needs. I have been un-thoughtful
of what others are going through at times or who is also in this situation with
me. And many of times I have only felt
like a guinea pig in this network called life, but I still have been able to
recognize my ever continuing need for the Savior. I can’t
even begin to describe how imperfect I am and how much I still need to learn,
but I realize He is my whole strength and I can’t make it without him. And because of that I have decided to make
this time at home one where I can help others find that spiritual knowledge as
well.
As I have tried to do these things I would like to
share some of those experiences with you.
- · My second day home I was in Sportsman’s Warehouse with my brother. When I was bored I sat down in a lawn chair and started to read my scriptures. A little girl came up to me and sat in the one next to me, so I began chatting with her. Next thing I knew her other little siblings came, along with her parents. Her father proceeded to ask me what I was reading and I told him I was reading the BOM and asked if he ever had read it. He said no, but I told him he should because it was the best book I had ever read.
- · Along with my mom and sister we visited some neighbors and took them cookies.
- · Coming back from our camping trip after being home for about two weeks our pickup broke down. My dad and I had the opportunity to ride with the tow man. While talking with him he expressed how he had just quit smoking after 30+ yrs. I felt the strong need to give him my copy of the BOM. At the end of the trip I offered it to him and he said he was actually baptized when he was 8 but just doesn’t know if a set religion is for him. I informed him that there was only one way to find out and extended the invitation.
- · Through facebook I had the opportunity to invite a friend to like the prophet and all the apostles, and later I saw him re-post one of their quotes of the day.
- · At work I took the challenge to make a rather mean and uptight nurse be happy and through much positive conversation she has begun to smile more.
- · Also through work I had the opportunity to talk to 3 different less-active individuals about their desires to come back to church, and by bearing testimony I had the opportunity to share how this gospel has been the greatest and will continue to be the greatest thing I have ever had in my life.
- · I had the opportunity of visiting my old Young Women’s President/ Sunday School teacher and expressing my thanks for everything she had done for me and for being the first person to challenge me to share a BOM with a friend which forever changed me. This leader passed away a week later.
- · I invited two non-members to church activities. They both said no, but it was worth a try J
- · I invited a non-member friend from high school to go to church and meet with the missionaries. She said she would like to when she gets one of her Sundays off.
- · A friend told me that because of me telling them about attending the temple, they decided they wanted to get their life in order to go there too.
- · I incorporated the Word of Wisdom into a conversation with a girl I have been exercising with and she has decided to stop drinking coffee to help better her health.
These are just a few of my experiences that I have
had while being at home. I don’t know if anything will come of most of
them, but I know that my testimony has grown from it. God has given me opportunities and as I pray
for more I recognize that he puts them in my path to see if I will pursue them.
I am so grateful for the challenges I’ve
been given that I can endure them and come out stronger than before. I have a continuing need to become converted
to this gospel.
I now return to the beginning of my talk with Jessica.
What was it that she had? I think she was pretty well converted. Jessica understood what her baptismal covenant
meant that she made when she was 8 years old.
She knew it in her heart and that she would serve Him then, and she
would serve Him forever. Jessica would
give up everything for Him. Last October, at that time I too had felt the
prompting to serve a mission and I had sent in my papers just before general
conference. I knew a mission was important
and that I was supposed to go, but as I sat listening to Jessica I knew that
she knew more than I did of how important this work is. And now I’m home from my mission for medical
reasons, and when I was told I had to have surgery I remember asking myself the
exact same questions Jessica had asked for most of her life! “Why won’t you let me go? Why can’t I serve? Why won’t you heal me so I can go back? Why?” I now feel it in my soul and I know that it is
on my heart. Sometimes it’s hard,
especially the last few months sometimes I want to rest or do my own thing but
as I remember the Savior’s example and courage to continue this glorious work
to save souls I recognize my ever continuing desire to serve Him and to serve
Him forever.
I know I’m still on the road to conversion. I believe for many of us it is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. And we have to repent every day. And we mess
up every day (I know I am the perfect example of that). But we still have the great opportunity to
grow, change, and learn. It is a
beautiful process but as we gain and share our testimonies it can become a part
of us! We can become converted! There
are people that need us. And He needs us
to figure that out so we can help ourselves and then help others. We must figure that out. If you don’t know much of what I am talking
about feel free to call me, email me, or even check out Mormon.org I’d love to
help you on your journey.
To finish I want to quote Elder Bednar. He said, “Continuing conversion is constant
devotion to the revealed truth we have received-with a heart that is willing
and for righteous reasons. Knowing that
the gospel is true is the essence of a testimony. Consistently being true to the gospel is the
essence of conversion. We should know
the gospel is true and be true to the gospel.”
So let’s give
up the only thing we have which is our will and our hearts. This is the way to sacrifice our natural
desires and to change our character.
Like Jessica I want to change mine. I love this gospel and I’m grateful for every
day I’ve been given to be a part of it. And
I pray that each and every one of you or whoever reads this that you can, if
you don’t know already, find how you play a part in it.
